I have noticed consciously that human beings is addicted to pain, drama, suffering and whatever thing that makes him feel bad. I clearly understand that those things that are harder to get usually are more important to us, but let’s not exaggerate this matter believing that those romantic novels are like life in essence and that without suffering nothing is worthy.
I have heard things like
If love does not hurt, it isn’t love at all
That’s just absurd! How that? If it doesn’t hurt then it isn’t love? Then what you’re saying is that we have to live suffering to be happy? Who can support that kind of idiocy!? If the meaning of life was the suffering we wouldn’t have a single reason to smile or laugh. But in reality, if you ask people what is what they want for their lives, most of them will answer – after some turns and detours – that they want to be happy. Yes, HAPPY! Even if they don’t have a clue of what happiness is.
For some reason, in terms of a love relationship, the common sense tells most of people that every couple should argue and fight from time to time – fight as in a bad temper discussion, not physical violence –, they should have some kind of incompatibility that generates rough moments ore they won’t be entirely happy and will be a dysfunctional couple. But that’s not all, they even try to convince you that if you love someone, you will sacrifice anything for that person. And this is where I ask: Excuse me, what the f**k are you talking about? For me, that’s the hugest of mistakes. Love will never be about sacrifices because love should be a win-for-all situation every single time.
If you widen a little your scope and look at friendship, you love your friends, but no one is ever hoping that you give up everything for a friend. You can make exceptional deeds, you can overpass your own abilities, but you wouldn’t make a sacrifice for your friend, specially because a real friend would never ask you to do so. When you are there to help and support your friends you’re not sacrificing time, you’re investing time or at least that’s how it should feel… I feel it that way. You feel an urge to go and help and you just go and do it.
Getting back at the partner-love, it seems that both parts in that relationship are used to the idea of sacrificing parts of their lives on behalf of the couple, which is – from my very particular point of view – a huge and absolute mistake. We shouldn’t even think about inducing our partner into any sacrifice, either persons, attitudes nor habits. The best way is to share such things with our loved one. If we don’t like it, then let’s step aside for a while, give her some free space and let her do it alone; after all, we’re individuals, isolated entities that look for happiness together.
In our lives, suffering is generated by ourselves and not at all by the way others act. The mourning time we will have is entirely in our hands when we face a situation that, by force will cause some kind of pain inside us. To be in a relationship where we don’t feel alright transforms our lives from a conscious effort into a sacrifice.
And I’m sure I’ll hear reasons like: I started this relationship thinking of it as a lifetime one. And I certainly share that vision. Love makes you dream, makes you walk in the clouds and shows you the best and most beautiful part of the world. But when all of it starts to be exchanged by constant situations that enforce bad temper, anything but well-being or the gears are not fitting anymore, it’s time to make a good revision, try to repair the damage or – if it’s beyond repair – let every one take their own route and finds someone special to fit and be happy.
My first choice is negotiate, of course. Try to solve the problems. But if it doesn’t work— Well, is time to open wings and fly!
It makes no sense at all to be hooked in a relationship where our partner is not such thing, but a dead weight or where even we limit the other and don’t let her reach her own greatness. You should NEVER SUFFER in the name of love. You must LOVE in the name of love, and be happy just because it happens.
Drama was invented to show us that the world could be worst than it is, not to make the world worst. Don’t get yourselves trapped in a dramatic novel and be the always-suffering-drama-wrapped starring character, there’s no need of such thing. You don’t have to be hit by a car driven by the love of your life, nor be poor with a rich father that you don’t know, you don’t have to be en jail accused of something you didn’t do to find happiness. Just aim for your happiness and follow that route along your life. That’s more than enough to avoid becoming eternal dramatic-sufferers.
Words of Wisdom:
If that love makes you suffer,
you shouldn’t be losing your time.
Anonymous (until some yells the contrary)